INTJ-INFP Attraction
I’ve seen some chatter about INTJ and INFP types being attracted to each other, and questions raised as to why that might be. Here’s my take…
Let’s do a cognitive process hierarchy for each, side by side, along with the archetype/roles of each:
INTJ INFP
Ni Fi Hero; Leading
Te Ne Good Parent; Supportive
Fi Si Eternal Child; Relief
Se Te Anima/Animus; Aspirational
So, what happens is that the INFP’s Aspirational Te admires the INTJ’s Supportive Te, which naturally wants to “parent” the INFP. Meanwhile, the INTJ’s Eternal Child Fi seeks relief from stress by aligning with the values Heroically espoused by the INFP’s Fi. So long as those values are in accord, all is well.
The combination of Fi and Te is a great way for a couple like this to adopt a cause and take action to support that cause. The INTJ may find it relaxing to get involved, and can leverage Te to implement plans, whereas the INFP will admire the child-like enthusiasm of the INTJ, as well as the effciency of Te to make it work.
Where things may go awry is with the Ni-Ne and Se-Si mismatch. So long as each is willing to respect the other’s use of those processes, all will be well.
Another area of concern is that neither has conscious use of Fe or Ti, which could lead to each appearing arrogant, selfish, and uncaring in their worst moments.
July 2nd, 2009 at 3:57 am
INTJ look up to the work product created by INFP esp. because the INFP utilize their emotions in the work but eventually the INTJ realizes INFPs create the work for the attention to themselves. INFPs are always in need of attention. Any INTJ can look at Woody Allen (who is an INFP) films and realize how shallow and frivolous they are.
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:24 am
Newton, I think I see where you’re going with this, and I’d like to reframe it, if I may…
Many INFPs produce “work products” related to their own values, which is a result of their Dominant Fi. You used the term “emotions” which I say would only manifest when the INFP’s values are being challenged, denied, or ignored. The word “Feeling” as used by Jung in “Introverted Feeling” should not be confused with “feelings” as we commonly use it — as a synonym for “emotions”.
I don’t agree that INFPs produce “work” to always draw attention to themselves. Certainly, it’s possible the Fi values that drive the “work” may be self-directed, but many INFPs’ values are philanthropic — directed to a “cause” in which they believe. I know INFPs who work tirelessly to support animal rescue; to promote adult literacy; to save forests; etc.
As regards Woody Allen movies, you may decide (using your own Fi) that they are “shallow and frivolous” yet the values expressed in those movies might be very meaningful to Allen himself. More importantly, it’s not possible to speak for all INTJs since, although we all have Fi as our Tertiary, the way we use that Fi varies. The cognitive processes are “content-free”.
August 21st, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I came across your website as I was searching for INTJ personality type profiles. I’m an INTJ and my husband is an INFP. I was surprised and happy to find this article. I have been analyzing how my husband and I are attracted to each other, given our personality types. I like your analysis. I find it accurate. “Another area of concern is that neither has conscious use of Fe or Ti, which could lead to each appearing arrogant, selfish, and uncaring in their worst moments.”–this was a problem I had early in our relationship. But with my husband’s help, I learned how to recognize when I was expressing myself in a way that seemed uncaring, “cold”, emotionless, or harsh. This has been very helpful. I kid and tell him that I’m now a tin man with a heart.
September 24th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
I like your reframing. Nevertheless, the central concern of an infp is a romantic fantasy where they are center of attention.
September 24th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Note as well, intj are dominant NI which is the search for truth as opposed to IF? So really i sense the prophets were largely intj.
September 24th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
infp does it to be the center of attention whereas an infj does it out of conviction.